Finding laughter in this situation is not possible. Not now anyway...
Recently, I was faced with a situation where I had to stick to my gut instincts. I had no proof for why I felt the way I did. I just knew. I just know. And, I have to stand my ground.
This situation has potentially ruined relationship(s) that are very dear to me. I have very few close friends so this cuts particularly deep.
I have questioned whether I did the right thing, but at this point, what's done is done. And, the truth is. I still feel the same. I just know.
What it comes down to is one persons word against anothers and I know who is lying. Because this involves children, each side is unwilling to beleive that their child is the problem.
No amount of talking in the world will make it better, because the same problem will still be there. One childs word against the other and no way to PROVE who the dishonest one is.
I understand why my friends feel so hurt. I would too if it were me being accused. The thing is...sticking to your guns and ackowledging hurt, even understanding it ( your own and anothers ), doesn't take the pain away.
I am powerless as I stand still, feeling very alone. I have to keep getting up every day and holding my head up minus two people that have been an integral part of my life for years now. I have to walk through this. I have no choice and no clear resolution.
I find myself angry with the integrity of those involved. One dishonest person is willing to allow the potential destruction of a friendship to save their own @$$.
So, what's the lesson?
- Don't invest all of your time and attention into one particular area. That becomes your life and when it's not there, you have to rebuild your world again. Not healthy.
- Trusting your instincts doesn't always feel good, but I would rather apologize for my mistakes in judgement, than to regret not standing for what I believe.
- I must believe that God is in control of this situation. Gleaning perhaps? Being pruned doesn't feel good, but it creates growth. I can't see through this. So, He is the one who must pull me through as I walk blindly, groping my way through this. I've groped before. I've had dark times. I can do it again and be faithful to wait and trust Him.
I've had numerous times in my life where I've been betrayed, judged and/or rejected. I stood my ground then too and eventually just about all of those situations healing and resolution took place. I just hope in this case, it doesn't take years to be brought out into the open honestly.
So, whats the plan?
- Walk through it. Feel it
- Pray
